...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
