; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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