clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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