It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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