i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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