The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
