Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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