i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
