We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So drunk its hurt
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Randomize
