One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
