you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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