i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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