Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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