Soap is not a condiment
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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