That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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