I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The power of my boobs compel you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
