Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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