Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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