you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
