this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
