2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
