I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
