return my video game
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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