So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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