my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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