You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
