This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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