No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
