When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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