booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
