he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
