With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
