Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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