he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
wow bdsm is so cute
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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