i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
