You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
