i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
