god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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