What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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