Banned from zoo.
Again?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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