I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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