Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
