2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
