how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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