i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
