how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
