I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You work out of a Hotel?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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