Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
