There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
