The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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