Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
