if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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