Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
