I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
