Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
