there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
