he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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